This simple example highlights the power of our internal thought world. The stories we tell ourselves about who we are, what we are capable of, and how the world works shape our every action, decision, and relationship. Yet, like the elephant, we often remain stuck—not because we are truly bound, but because we believe we are. Understanding the power of the stories we tell ourselves is an important step toward learning how to disrupt these distorted stories and establish healthier, more balanced narratives about ourselves, other people, and the world in general.
The Invisible Chains of Our Stories
Our minds are constantly making sense of the world, crafting narratives to explain our experiences. Some of these stories are helpful and accurate, guiding us through life with a sense of meaning and direction. Others, however, are outdated or distorted, which ultimately limits our potential by keeping us in environments, relationships, and thought patterns that no longer serve us.
A person who was once told they are “too sensitive” may construct a story that their emotions are a burden on others, leading them to suppress feelings and struggle with intimacy. Someone who faced rejection in early relationships might carry a narrative that they are unlovable, even when most evidence suggests otherwise. A professional who has always played it safe in their career may hold onto a belief that they aren’t capable of taking on risk, even when an opportunity for meaningful growth presents itself.
These internal narratives color how we see ourselves and the world. If we simply accept these inner stories as truth without question, we can end up living in disempowered, misguided, or stagnated ways.
The Weight of “Should”
Many of us live under the weight of some kind of “should.”
- I should stay in this job because I’ve already invested so much time in it.
- I should tolerate this relationship because leaving would be too complicated.
- I should keep quiet because speaking up might cause conflict.
- I shouldn’t reach out to others when I’m down because I’m too needy and no one wants to hear it.
These “shoulds” are often rooted in old and often flawed stories—ones that may have served a purpose at one time but no longer align with who we are or what we truly want. Our stories can become so familiar and deeply engrained, that we unknowingly adhere to perspectives or participate in relationships that reflect the inner stories we tell.
It leaves us to wonder, what if the things we tell ourselves are not as true as we think? What if the stories that keep us bound are obsolete versions of reality instead of the here and now?
Recognizing the Narrative Loops
One of the greatest challenges in shifting our internal stories is that these stories feel so real. Like the unchained elephant, we don’t see the invisible barriers for what they are—we only feel their presence. Recognizing when we are caught in a narrative loop requires curiosity and self-reflection.
One way to start is try noticing recurring thoughts, especially those that reinforce feelings of helplessness, unworthiness, or fear. The following phrases are often associated with false or flawed stories we might unconsciously be telling ourselves.
- “I can’t because…”
- “I’m not enough…”
- “That wouldn’t work for me…”
Cultivate curiosity by non-judgmentally asking yourself:
- Where did this belief come from? Who or what in my life taught me this?
- Is it still serving me?
- What evidence do I have that this is actually true?
- What would I tell a friend who was stuck in this same thought pattern?
Sometimes, simply questioning the validity of a thought begins to loosen the sense of certainty that our internal narrative is unquestionably reality based.
Rewriting the Narrative
Once we recognize an outdated or distorted story, we have the power to rewrite it. This doesn’t mean ignoring difficult emotions or pretending past experiences didn’t happen—it means choosing a perspective that allows for growth and movement rather than confinement.
Stories that serve us don’t have to be falsely positive or disregard painful realities. They must however, hold a proper tension between the multiple truths that might exist at the same time (e.g. “the world is hard and there’s something I can do to help” versus “the world is hard but I am powerless to do anything at all”).
Here are some ways to begin shifting your internal stories:
- Journaling: Writing down our thoughts in a free flowing way can often help bring insight and clarity with our internal stories that drive our approach to the world. When we can explore our recurring narratives in an open way, it then allows for us to reflect on and even challenge the exposed belief systems that guide us. Writing is both an excavation exercise of self-discovery while also serving as an expressive outlet to channel internal narratives in a way that we can tangibly address.
- Reviewing Your Core Values: When was the last time you checked in with what truly matters to you? Sometimes, our stories keep us tethered to outdated roles or responsibilities that don’t align with our authentic selves. Revisiting your values can help you discern whether your current path reflects what you genuinely want. One option is to use a Values card deck which is a helpful tool for identifying, prioritizing, and exposing mismatches between internal narratives and your true values.
- Seeking External Perspective: Trusted friends, mentors, or community members can offer insights we might not see ourselves. If you’re questioning a long-held belief, share it with someone who knows you well and see if they see the same limitations you do. Ask them how they came to believe what they believe about you, and open yourself to their line of reasoning as an exercise in perspective-taking.
Therapy or Support Groups: Professional therapeutic support can be invaluable in shifting thought patterns that feel deeply ingrained. Individual or group therapy can help uncover hidden narratives and create space for new, healthier perspectives to emerge. Many of us believe we have a handle on our internal worlds and even say we “know ourselves well.” That might be, however it can be truly transformative when we take a true deep-dive with a trained therapist into the stories that drive our sense of reality. We might be shocked at our own complexity and realize we are often only seeing the very top portion of the iceberg that makes us who we are.
Stepping Beyond the Invisible Boundary
Our stories are powerful, but they are not unchangeable. Like the elephant who unknowingly remains bound by an old experience, we, too, have the ability to step beyond the limits we once accepted as fact.
The process works best through a compassionate lens that allows us to look earnestly inward with the primary goal of telling ourselves stories about the world that are both accurate as well as serve us in our lives.
We don’t have to live under the false boundaries that are reinforced by obsolete stories, we simply have to be willing to try to see what chains actually are holding us back, and if we are the ones unwittingly holding the chains ourselves.
Interested in Learning More?
Learn more about our Services and Specialties at The Catalyst Center that can help you rewrite your story.
