The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy, love, and connection—but for many couples, it can also bring tension, stress, and difficult conversations. From navigating interactions with in-laws to managing differing family traditions or the pressure of holiday expectations, communication can become strained during this busy time of year.
Yet, the holidays also provide an opportunity for couples to strengthen their relationship and develop better communication skills — particularly around setting boundaries, resolving disagreements, and adjusting to evolving family dynamics.
As a marriage and family therapist, I often help couples communicate more effectively during the holidays and stay connected despite external pressures. Below are five practical tips to help you navigate tricky conversations and strengthen your relationship this festive season.
1. Set Clear Communication Boundaries
When entering new family systems—whether it’s your partner’s family, your in-laws, or other relatives—it can feel like stepping into a world with unfamiliar expectations and traditions. It’s easy to lose sight of your needs while trying to keep everyone happy, which often leads to miscommunication or resentment.
Proactive Tip: Before attending family gatherings, sit down with your partner to discuss what each of you needs. How much time do you want to spend with extended family? What topics are off-limits? How can you support each other if tensions arise?
For example, if a relative tends to bring up uncomfortable topics, decide in advance whether to respond directly or politely deflect. By setting clear expectations and boundaries, you create a framework for a smoother experience—like stringing lights on a holiday tree to illuminate the path forward.
2. Prepare for Inevitable Tensions
No matter how much you prepare, the holidays can unearth unresolved emotions or past conflicts. Navigating these moments can be tricky when emotions are heightened, but communication during these times is key.
Think of heightened tensions as a holiday dinner: every dish has its own flavor, but the timing matters for a successful meal. Similarly, your emotional responses—whether frustration, sadness, or anger—must be addressed at the right time. When difficult conversations arise, try not to react impulsively. Instead, step back and communicate with empathy, acknowledging your feelings and your partner’s. For example, if a conversation with an in-law becomes tense, take a break and then return to the discussion when you’re calm.
Reflective Listening Tip: If a conversation becomes tense, try reflective listening. Repeat what the other person is saying to confirm understanding, then calmly express your perspective. For instance, if an in-law makes a critical comment, pause and focus on staying calm before revisiting the conversation.
3. Carve Out Space for Each Other
Amid the holiday hustle, it’s easy to overlook each other’s needs—especially when navigating multiple family dynamics. Prioritize time as a couple to check in and reconnect.
Whether it’s a quiet coffee together before a family event or a late-night walk after a hectic day, these small moments of connection matter.
Recognize that your partner’s experience of the holidays may differ from yours; they may feel overwhelmed by a chaotic family dynamic or be quietly navigating personal grief during the season.
Key Reminder: Just as the holiday season brings its own unique flavor to each family, so too do the needs of each individual in a relationship. Approach your partner’s needs with empathy and curiosity. Much like watering a holiday plant keeps it thriving, tending to each other strengthens your relationship.
4. Skip the Blame Game
The holidays can dig up old wounds or unresolved conflicts, but blaming each other won’t make those moments any easier. Instead of focusing on who’s at fault, reframe the situation as a shared challenge to tackle together.
For example, if one of you feels overwhelmed by a demanding schedule, ask, “How can we make this work for both of us?” rather than assigning blame.
Teamwork Metaphor: Decorating a tree together requires cooperation—one person places the star while the other hangs ornaments. Every part of the tree contributes to the final product, and both partners have their own unique role to play in the relationship. Similarly, working together as a team makes holiday stress more manageable and leaves room for joy —both during the holidays and year-round.
5. Make Space for Fun and Connection
Don’t let family obligations overshadow your bond as a couple. Laughing together, enjoying a holiday movie, or making a meal together can be small but meaningful acts of love that strengthen your bond. Schedule intentional fun moments: watch a holiday movie, bake cookies together, or even share a silly holiday tradition.
These small, joyful moments are like the twinkling lights on your holiday tree—reminders of the magic in your relationship.
Final Tip: Look for simple ways to connect, even in the busiest moments. Shared laughter and meaningful gestures help keep your relationship strong amidst the seasonal chaos.
Final Thoughts
Effective communication during the holidays is one of the greatest gifts you can give your relationship. By setting boundaries, practicing empathy, and carving out time for each other, you can reduce stress and create meaningful moments together. Just as a holiday tree requires care, thoughtfulness, and attention to detail, so does your relationship. With a bit of preparation and intentional communication, you can navigate the holiday season with grace, creating lasting memories and a stronger connection with each other.
If communication challenges feel overwhelming this holiday season, consider reaching out to a couples therapist. Together, we can build the skills to navigate these challenges and make this season a time of connection and joy.
About the Author
Allison Kalivas, MA, MFTC
Allison Kalivas, MFTC is an empowering therapist who brings her genuine care and curiosity to each person she works with. Her specialties include EMDR, Eating Disorder Recovery, and Psychedelic Assisted Therapy. Allison’s is not afraid to be in a tough place with you. She knows that coming into therapy can be a vulnerable experience. She will be your co-pilot, sitting with you in your experience and motivating you to focus on your goals.
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