Five Ideas for Bringing Dads out of Isolation

Being a dad is hard. Even as many parts of fatherhood can be fulfilling, energizing, and inspiring, it’s also really hard. Dads can constantly feel like they must be “on” all the time. This ever-present sense of pressure to perform across multiple responsibilities is exhausting, to say the least. To make matters worse, there is a tendency for some dads to unwittingly end up in cycles of social isolation or emotional disconnection, which further degrades their health and well-being. Many times, dads can recount times when they were more connected with peers, had interests they pursued, or generally felt more in control of their personal lives. Yet it can become all too easy to get siloed away from these resources as new demands of fatherhood are added to a dad’s life. Whereas I want to encourage dads to be invested, involved, and active with their children and families, it is also crucial that these men build resources or habits that allow them to show up in their lives in practical and sustainable ways.

Here are five ideas for stepping outside the vortex of disconnection:

1. Join a group activity or sports league—Engaging in a community that aligns with your areas of interest might be beneficial. Structure, such as scheduled meet-ups, practices/games, or other “reasons to show up,” can help improve our accountability in actually taking part in the activity. This doesn’t have to be in high demand, and it should bring enjoyment or satisfaction.
2. Schedule time for recreation—If recreation isn’t scheduled, something else will likely take its place. Being a dad involves so many responsibilities that any free time can and will be exhausted by tasks and obligations. Even as it is essential to be on top of important parental responsibilities, this must be balanced alongside replenishment. Scheduling this space and time is a crucial part of ensuring that your replenishment happens.
3. Reach out to existing social connections – Time can pass quickly between social contacts, and some dads will unwittingly go many weeks or months between meaningful engagement with friends. It can also be difficult to forge new friendships with little availability (or energy), but nurturing existing relationships can be a low-hanging fruit for socially-starved dads. Even if a formal social meet-up isn’t available, simply reaching out in texts/group texts with friends can be one way to balance the immense energy and time that often goes into parenting efforts.
4. Interface with other parents (with and without the kids present) – You’re not the only parent with small children. Many other dads might face the same obligations and challenges with balance. Fostering a connection with other parents can be an immensely validating exercise, as it can create resonance, camaraderie, and the reminder that others know our struggles. In addition, having connections with other parents can be a path toward having the support of a “village” to help through the parenting process. Find other parents through your child’s daycare, neighborhood, or even at the park while your child plays.
5. Participate in individual or group therapy – Parenting can trigger old thoughts, feelings, and memories from childhood, which can influence how we show up in our current parent roles. We might find ourselves in a maze of perspectives or belief systems about ourselves that might not always be helpful or accurate. Perhaps we are still dealing with inner turmoil about whether we believe we are “good enough” as a human, let alone as a parent. Identifying and working with these inner parts, identities, or beliefs can make a tremendous difference concerning our insight and ability to bring the best of us to situations or dilemmas. Various therapeutic opportunities like individual or group therapy can offer support, clarity, and direction as we navigate one of the most important jobs we will have in raising families. 

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Photo by Brady Rogers on Unsplash