Shame is a complex emotion that we often struggle to identify or confront. It is frequently confused with guilt, which is the feeling of having done something wrong. Shame, on the other hand, is the belief that we are inherently flawed and that everything we do is a reflection of our brokenness. Guilt allows us to correct our mistakes and set things right. Shame, however, can be all-consuming, trapping us in a cycle of self-punishment and hatred.
This vicious shame cycle can feel impossible to escape. We may feel exposed and vulnerable but unable to make things right. We fear that others will see our flaws and judge us negatively, reinforcing our sense of inadequacy. Leading us to hide our true selves, perpetuating feelings of shame, loneliness, and self-loathing.
This is what is known as “trait shame,” which often shows up if we are repeatedly shamed for our behavior, appearance, or identity during our early years. It creates a sense of fear or insecurity, making it feel unsafe to express ourselves honestly and openly. This can have long-lasting effects, creating barriers to joy, connection, and fulfillment.
The good news is that we can break down these barriers and find freedom and acceptance in the wake of shame. By engaging with supportive communities, participating in activities that reflect our authentic interests, and seeking therapy, we can begin to peel back the layers of shame and reveal our true selves. We can learn to accept ourselves for who we are and understand that we are not inherently bad or broken.
If you are struggling with shame or guilt, take a moment to reflect on what parts of yourself you are hiding from the world. Then, seek out accepting spaces where you can express yourself freely without fear of judgment or rejection. Remember that exploration and self-discovery are natural and essential parts of the human experience.
You deserve to explore and understand yourself as you are, not as you “should be.”
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Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash
